Bible study Part 2

What did I do this morning?
I looked into a mirror :) Read James 1:22-25 for enlightenment.

So really I was reading Romans 4:4-5, and it seemed to stand out to me, and actually made sense, yay :)

4: Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation.
5: However, to the man who trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness.

So it is saying that a person who works for his salvation - who is relying on what he does to save him - he is only going to get his wages - only what he has earned. (which is never going to be enough to pay his way to heaven) But if you trust God - that very faith will be the thing that saves you - because God gives it (salvation) as a gift to those who trust him.

So even working to make yourself acceptable to God - to fix up your life, because he has shown you what is good, and you should be doing it; even this kind of work is not what will save you. It's a bit more insidious really, cos you're not doing actual deeds, like, feeding hungry people or anything, but you are working the nasty stuff out of your own self. But if you think that you need to succeed in doing this in order to make yourself acceptable to God, then you are once again relying on your own works to save you, and not trusting in the God who justifies the WICKED. Note that, he justifies the wicked. Not the righteous. And anyway, the bible says there are none who are righteous - not even one.

So here I was thinking that I was a sinner. (Which in my heart meant: a good person who made mistakes. "Good" because Jesus's death had made me clean) Who sinned. My heart was good, but on occasion it threw out stones - sin. But if I could stop myself sinning, then I would be good and acceptable to God.
Then I found a rock in my heart. Hmm. So I asked God to help me get rid of it - "God, I have a rock in my heart, will you please help me get rid of it?"

Looking at the book of James, it says a lot about what is on the inside being evident on the surface - if you have FAITH - it will be shown in your actions. If you love God, you can tell through the words you speak. What is on the inside will be evident on the outside.

So I still think I have a rock in my heart. But I think I also realise that I was only ever spitting out those rocks in the first place because of the rock in my heart. And also, not just that I have a rock in my heart, but that part of my heart is rock. And that I am wicked.
I don't just sin, but I am sinful - in my nature. And that the things I do is just the outward sign of my inward state - not something I can fix before I can go to God.

God's grace is really good - he justifies the wicked - (he gives) UNDESERVED favour... I think it has been a while since my understanding of this grew? was clear? Since I had a good understanding of this? Yeah.

I am so glad, because I am wicked - not because I enjoy being wicked, but because that is the truth of what I am. I am trusting in a God who, through no work of my own is freely justifying me - just as I am. That gives me hope.

I can never clean up myself by myself. Or at all. God cleans me up, yay!! I do things (work in my life - like pray and study etc) to make myself more open to his cleaning, but not ever to clean myself, or to make myself acceptable to him. Cos all I would be doing is picking up what my heart spits out, or trying to stop it spitting... The root cause is always still there. (Until Jesus comes again, at which time I will be made perfect...)

Know thyself, huh? sheesh!