Traffik Free Chocolate

What is truth?
Looking through heaven’s eyes.
I have two trains of thought – one about getting rid of trafficking in the chocolate industry, and one about perspective, but the two mix together at some point, so yeah.

First thought – we always look at things through our own eyes first. Like, if we’re looking at our life, or career, or what we want to do with our life, we look at things humanly. Strangely enough, because we are human. If we tend to be an optimist, whatever our circumstance, things tend to look up. If we tend to be a pessimist, things tend to look down. So we make the best or the worst of our circumstances depending on what kind of person we are. I think kids are generally optimists – I take my niece as an example – within her sphere of understanding, things always are going to work GREAT for her!!! So if she’s around anyone she knows, nomatter if they’re grumpy or whatever, she’ll run up to them beaming for a hug, cos of course they will love her and hug her back. She’s shy around strangers – they’re outside her sphere of experience, but generally she’ll give them the benefit of the doubt!

It is a pain that God’s view and plan for our lives generally lie outside our own experience. My life can be crap or great at any point, and what I think of it will always depend on how I am feeling – optimistic or pessimistic. But God is elusive. You might be going through a really dodgy patch of life, but God’s plan doesn’t mean it’s going to get “better”. You might be going through a really great patch of life, but that doesn’t mean you are actually being really effective in ministry and that THIS is God’s plan for your life. What God wants for our lives rarely match up with what we think is “good” or “bad” in our lives.

My life at the moment. In my eyes I am BORED. My brain has so little to chew on – and it has a fast metabolism. It ends up running round the walls in what space it has… I need to find a sport of some kind, and a bunch of people to socialize with, because what am used to is more than what I have now. Compared to what it got in school or uni, my brain has NOTHING to do. Compared to what it got when I was training in 3 sports and riding or walking everywhere, my body has NOTHING to do. Compared to the vast array of new people and situations I met up with in Canada, I have NOTHING to learn. It’s driving me crazy.

Maybe God will give me something soon to do that will be difficult, maybe this is my chance to rest, get caught up on study and things and people. So I try to be disciplined, to study even if it seems like I am getting nothing out of it; to spend time with people and God even though it’s just run-of-the-mill stuff. I see it as BORING AS HELL so I really hope that God is working something out of it! Anyway…

We are trying to get chocolate companies to change their practices concerning where they get their cocoa from – there are a lot of slaves in the cocoa industry, and we think that people shouldn’t be treated like that. Slavery is a curse that should’ve stayed dead 200 years ago or whenever Wilberforce was around. But it isn’t an evil in and of itself, or it wouldn’t be so resilient. It’s merely a symptom of an underlying cause which is much harder to eliminate. Like a disease – you can treat the symptoms all you want, but if you don’t get the root cause, all you can try for is damage control while things just keep popping up in different places, in different ways…

I read about the response from a major chocolate company when asked about putting a Traffik Free guarantee on their chocolates. They said that basically they’re going to do nothing, because this cause will go away just like all the others.

Now, they aren’t the ones enslaving people, and they aren’t the only ones that benefit – the farm owners are the enslavers, and people still buy their chocolate. Technically they aren’t breaking any laws, because the laws where those people are enslaved are not like ours – there, the weak don’t get so much protection, and the strong want to keep what little strength they have. We buy the company’s produce, and they don’t break laws. Technically, they’re fine. And there are so many worse things in this world.

And people don’t care. There is no public outcry, no big scandal. So some third world country has a problem with the rich exploiting the poor. So what’s new? We really do have compassion fatigue. Even if I give up chocolate and work towards freeing those slaves, no one else is, and my effort will never be enough to right what is wrong in the Ivory Coast. As soon as we fix this, something else will break, and I will have deprived myself of something I love to the amusement and scorn of my friends for what? Nothing. So I will pay for cheap, good chocolate made by slaves because a) I don’t know them and I really don’t care, b) it’s probably exaggeration and hype anyway, annoying human rights protesters; c) you get more for your money – free trade chocolate is more expensive for less chocolate! And d) it tastes better anyway.

Note: I actually have currently given up chocolate unless it's traffik free. I wasn't talking about myself, but what I have seen as the general response :)

And the ones who try to do something will see their small efforts come to nothing – the lady from the company was right – this cause has a very good chance of disappearing like all the others. They have better things to do with their time than fix something that no one really thinks is very badly broken anyway. Stupid to waste your time and effort on pointless causes because a few protesters have caught the whiff of passion – are being outraged on a whim. Their fire will dwindle and die.

God works in mysterious ways – ways that don’t make sense from our perspective. Someone once taught me that God WILL save the world – have no doubt. But the way will be harder because so few have stepped up. So step up people! To what? So we see people everywhere – they donate to causes, start causes, distribute fliers, become inner city pastors, move to bad neighbourhoods, become missionaries or inspirational speakers. They engage in ministry with their church, send lunchboxes to third world kids, become worship leaders. We DO so much because we can see that so much needs to be done, and our heart breaks. So we do what we can with what we have, but maybe that’s not what will save the world. We know that people like Wilberforce or Martin Luther, or Mother Teresa are one-of-a-kind; that the likelihood of our work snowballing like that is minimal to say the least, but we want it to. We want to MATTER. To accomplish something, ANYTHING, to say that here, at least I did this – my life was not a waste.

It’s not about us. We can see the symptoms, whoa can we see them. But we are not the doctor, and our overview of the situation is limited to say the least. God already saved the world. Us taking things into our own hands can be beneficial if we’re lucky, do nothing as is usual, or make things worse because we don’t know the whole situation. So some people clue on. And ask God what they should be doing. “Father, we want to obey you, help us to hear your voice; I want to do your work, I GAVE my life to you for crying out loud! USE me!" I’m listening – hard though it is to stop with my plans, and go with yours.

And in the quiet recesses of my mind I hear a question, hesitant; as though he’s not sure I won’t take a step back when he asks it; as though he really does want to use me to save the world with him, but maybe I won’t be up to the sacrifice, because it’s hard to save a world. Nothing is for free, and if we want to win the world for him, it’s going to cost us for every square inch. In blood.

I’m sitting, agonizing, in a park on a hill near where I live. In the back streets, at about 9:30pm at night. It’s quiet, and I can see the lights of the Taigum shopping centre if I look to the south west. I can hear the cars in the distance, and around me are houses, that for my whole life I have lived within ten minutes walk of. People are watching TV. Lights are on – the day of work is over; it’s suburbia.

GOD. What. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Do. With. My. Life.? Pick a career! Pick a city! I will move anywhere; do anything!! You know I have stubbornness – perseverance, endurance. I can hit hard and keep on hitting (not literally), I can wrestle chaos and confusion into order, I can ask for obedience and get it; I can learn fast. I am DYING here! What???!!! Just tell me WHAT?!!!

And as I’m looking down on all those pretty houses, in the moonlight; calm and orderly, he asks me

“….. would you be willing to go to any one of those houses for me?”

a quiet voice that knocks the wind out of you.

I instinctively go to take a step back, and knowing that was what he expected, I hate myself for it, and force it to reduce to a half step. Questions; excuses flood my mind, even as I desperately try to bat out their flames with the wet towel marked “stubborn blind obedience”.

I don’t even know them!!!
They are in my neighbourhood, what if they RECOGNISE me? I am not a blow-in missionary from far away! Here I don’t have any privacy – I have to practice what I preach, and not just for a year either!
I have no backing from my corps! This isn’t part of an approved ministry – I can’t just use their name in the community without approval!
This isn’t 614 – where the rules for community engagement are loose, and this unendorsed engagement with community is, in fact, endorsed!!
I don’t have a backing of people who are down with the 614 philosophy either! Here I would probably get into trouble from people thinking I am trying to get into the spotlight cos I just came back from “overseas”.

And in between the questions I throw grim determination

If they don’t back this unendorsed relation to the community THEY SHOULD. That’s what the church is here for.
God asked it of ME. Me as a person, not as part of whichever corps. Does it matter what the corps says about backing, or permission? I am a christian, the only mediator between me and my Commanding Officer is Jesus, who is God anyway.
It’s just me being afraid of what people think of me!!! God is with you!! DO IT!
It’s not as though he has even asked you to GO to a house yet!!

…at which there is a quick upsurge of hope – I can just say I’ll do it – God doesn’t expect me to ACTUALLY go…

…followed by an equally quick yes. He really would. He would definitely ask…

…he didn’t let Abraham go through with killing Isaac.

Don’t be stupid. Getting you to talk to people you don’t know would definitely be something he would ask of you. Even Jehovah’s Witnesses do that...

…if I asked people in the church for help…

…And the instant you start thinking that you’ll just make a program out of it – get other people to “help”, doorknock every door and just ask if they want prayer, you take God out of it. He wants you to be ready; to listen, and to obey when you hear his voice, whenever you hear it – wherever you hear it. No half measures. It’s all or nothing – you asked what he wanted you to do, and he doesn’t lie.

Crap.

But what do I do? Say? You just asked if I would go to any house; you didn’t say what to do when I got there!

You’ll have to listen.

And so it ended at a forced obedience. Every second I find myself struggling to not let me take that other half step back; to keep his request with me, and not let it slide by, so that maybe one day I can force an unconditional YES out of my traitorous mouth. Every time I think, I find myself thinking – what will I do?; and I dread the moment he will ask. And then I fight back, don’t be ridiculous – there is no safer place than in the middle of God’s will. He LOVES you!!! He will bring you through everything; how can you fear???? I don’t know. I just can. I worry what will happen when I obey; or what will happen when he asks. Will I have the strength to say yes? Or will I have to endure seeing his face upon my betrayal? Good grief I wonder if Peter felt like this – Jesus told him he would deny him. The only difference is, I don’t know if I will, or not. There shouldn’t be any difference, but there is. As long as I can think I might obey him, then I can think myself worthy of his love. Worthy to do his will in the world.

But the instant I think I might, of my own free will, deny him knowingly, to his face...

Then I’m not worthy at all.

:)

I think I'm finally about to maybe start to understand GRACE.

What to write... Music :)

Geez. What have I been doing...

I have found a really cool song on my latest CD that I love, which rocks :) So I was thinking about it, as well as really liking one of United's songs - Hosanna - SWEET song... I need to find out what the proper lyrics are, but the ones that I saw in Canada went:

Chorus:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things I see
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Dude. So often I have a hard time with songs - I don't want to sing lies, and I find myself thinking through songs and skipping lines - which really ruins it, so annoying... But dude, I found a song I love that I can sing every word and mean it. SO mean it...

The line, "Open up my eyes etc." might not be correct though - at Nth Brisbane they have the lyrics as " Open up my eyes to the things unseen." I think I might actually prefer the other version. Because it is so like us to see things, and just not care, or to think it's someone else's job, or to not understand the full impact of what we're seeing. To ask God to open up my eyes to the things I SEE seems to make more sense than just to ask him to show me the things I haven't yet seen.

Once while I was helping serve in the cafe in Regent (translation: the community cafe run out of the office in Regent Park, Toronto, Canada) and a lady kept coming back again and again for soft drink - creaming soda or something. Anyway, it's heaps sweet, and I had noticed her excessive sweet tooth, and to my credit, I had learnt enough to know that this was not normal - it was a symptom of something, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know if I could help her in any way. So I was perplexed. After a while, someone came up to me and mentioned her. "You see that lady that keeps coming up here for sweet drinks? Wanting a lot of sugar is a symptom of heroin addiction." So now I'd been told.

So my intuition is okay, but some things I see, I don't understand. And sometimes I am too distracted or busy to really see anything properly. I want to be open to God drawing my attention to the things I see. So that's what I sing.

The song on my CD is called "Never Alone" and it's by Barlow Girl. It gave me a kick in the butt when I heard it first, yeah. It's really cool.

The chorus goes:
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel you by my side so
I hold tight to what I know - You're here
and I 'm never alone.

It's cool - when I am self pitying enough to be miserable about things, it's good to be reminded of this. And I assume it'll always be a good reminder.

So I think I might be thinking a bit differently about the songs I don't want to sing (because I would be lying). Like, at different times we have different experiences with God, and people write songs for lots of different experiences. So sometimes it's good to sing cheerful songs when my circumstances aren't cheerful, because they remind me of those times when those things were true for me. And sometimes remind me of truth, or give me hope for when those things will be real again.

So excluding songs that are shockingly perverted in the theological department, I guess I'm cool with singing those songs :) Not sing lies, but remember that songs aren't just useful for saying what is true now. Yay for random deep insights.

Anyway, at the moment I am not miserable :) So yay, anyway, I have some coolgroovy awesome songs on my CD's!! Yay! Like, "Here with me" and "Cornerstone" and "Letters from war" It's so cool!! And I got a Switchfoot CD too. So now I get to listen to "Meant to live" and stuff too :)

So yeah. Woot!